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Jan. 18th, 2011

alexis bledel

this is too fun...

 I know you've all seen this on facebook, but it's the thing where you go to wikipedia, hit the "random article" and that is the name of your band.  Go to www-dot-quotationspage-dot-com and hit "random quotes", choose the last four or five words of the last quote on the page, and that is the title of your first album.  Last, go to flikr, click on the "interesting pictures from the last 7 days" thing, and that is your album cover.  This is the second one I've done:

Band: The Pearl of Love

Album: More Wonderful to Miss It

Cover: The link cause I never can embed flikr pictures

Oct. 31st, 2010


Your little head would explode!

 So, for the last two weeks I've essentially been car-less.  It's been back to the days of high school when I had to depend on my friends to get anywhere.  Why is this do you ask?  Because ever since I went to Oregon my car has been living at the Fella's so that his brother, the Muppet (mechanical genius extraordinaire!), can eventually find the time to look at and fix it.  Unfortunately, every time he actually has time it has been pouring rain.  Hence, its two week residence.  Anyway, when I went on my break at work I saw that I had a missed call from him.  This time he knew that I'd taken my car to get to work so I figured I ought to probably call him back.  I called him as I was driving home.  The first part of our conversation went something like this (except you can't hear inflection which means you wont really get it all...):


the Muppet:  Hello.

me:  Hey Muppet!  

The Muppet:  Hey Clem.

me:  How are you?! (I try to be enthusiastic when I'm on the phone so that I don't just sound annoyed)

The Muppet:  I'm good.  How are you?

me:  I'm quite well, thank you

The Muppet:  Good.  Serves you right..

me:  Oh...um...thank you

And then we both laughed.  He then started explaining to me everything I just explained to you about why he hadn't yet cured Cherry Baby.  He was all apologetic, as though I was the one doing him a favor.  Then, after we pretty much covered all of our bases on the car front he asked me how school was going for me.  I told him a little bit about dropping Russian and being left with the lightest class load I'd ever had.  Then he told me about how this first semester of post-grad work was insane, but it was all going to get even more insane next semester and he should learn to loosen up as a student and not worry so much about grades.  

Here's the thing.  It was a totally chill conversation.  I mean...totally.  Easier than talking to some of my oldest friends.  The only discomfort I had about talking on the phone was my inability to ever understand anyone on their first repetition of a sentence.  There was none of the other annoyance about not know what to say and dealing with awkward pauses.  And the Muppet was completely at ease.  The thing about him is that he kind of suffers from rather severe social anxiety and awkwardness.  I've seen him both when he's at ease and when he feels awkward.  There is a marked difference.  And this afternoon he was totally comfortable.  

I know it seems weird to point out that I had a normal human-style phone conversation today.  Yeah, I admit its really no big deal.  Except that it reiterated to me how much I like the Muppet.  And that just made me contemplate both boys and how I got involved with them.  I mean, at this point, I've been tenacious enough that you can honestly say that the Fella and I know each other pretty dang well.  I certainly know him better than a lot of people and I've forced him to get to know a lot about me until he has had to accept me as a good friend.  But with the Muppet its a whole different thing.  I told the Fella once that I consider him with an attitude of boundless confidence, while the Muppet I cannot think about without a feeling of anxious worry.  Not that I don't think he's capable of any and everything.  It's just that, while the Fella is very truly an rather arrogant person, the Muppet is just the opposite.  I think.  But the thing is, I have this strong attachment to him and maternal concern over him, but unlike his brother, I don't have this year and a half relationship to warrant such concern.  We really have only ever had one serious conversation, and maybe three or four social interactions at all.  And yet not only do I feel a very strong affection for him, but I also always get an equally strong impression that he quite likes me.  Maybe that is part of why I like him so much?  That would make sense.  We love the people who love us (usually).  I don't know exactly what it is.  But the fact is, I really do like the Muppet and I'm so glad that I can count him as a friend.  Not just a random "oh yeah, that's my friend" kind of thing where really they're an acquaintance who you never talk to.  Rather, he's the kind of friend that I can (and have several times) call when I have car trouble and he'll not only come and help me, but be excited to do so.  And this makes it very interesting to me, to add my relationship with the Muppet into my relationship with the Fella.  I mean...these are two boys that I'm really attached to and it is intriguing.  Yet one more reason to wish I'd never fallen for the Fella because if I hadn't I would be able to just be friends with both of them and maybe meet the rest of the family.  When I consider how visceral my connection to these two has been I admit that I'm curious to see how I would react to the rest of them.  Is that silly?  Anyway, I just was intrigued to contemplate how strongly attached I've become to these two boys and wonder what it is about them that has drawn me so.  They're both really wonderful individuals.

Anyway, in other news, I had to work today.  Whenever I work on Sunday I try to dress up as though I were at church.  This week I actually ended up going to church with Lil' Brudder before my shift.  Turns out that his ward was having Stake Conference and I got to have church in the Provo Tabernacle.  That's really a lovely building.  Incidentally, Lil' Brudder and the Fella are in the same ward now.  So towards the end of the meeting I texted him something like "Hey!  I'm at your stake conference.  Are you here?".  He replied "Yep.  Bottom floor by the South exit.".  The meeting ended a few minutes later and when everyone stood up I saw him.  He was at the front of the aisle and I was at the back.  I wanted to say hi so I began struggling my way through all the leaving people.  He seemed to be looking around and I will pretend that he was looking for me.  When I was still some four benches away he turned around and saw me.  We waved at each other but he gave me this concerned look and said "my ride is leaving...".  I said "then you'd better follow him.  I just wanted to say hi."  and then he smiled this exceedingly bright and happy smile and me and we parted ways.  

After that I went to work.   As I said, I try to dress up on Sundays (and I'd already gotten ready for church, so...).  Which means the same outfit every time.  Cause I only have one red and khaki Sunday worthy outfit.  But I really like it.  It's a swirly skirt and this shirt I got at Costco of all places, but I love the way it hangs.  When draped just right I think it gives me a really lovely figure.  The first time I ever wore it to work I learned that there is a difference between "You look really nice" and "You look really good."  I never knew that before.  So that's what I was wearing and I'd actually done my hair and makeup, so I felt like I looked fairly nice.  When I got there both my Ryans were talking over in the food court.  Ryan W. (the neurotic one) is incapable of complimenting me, so he said something like "You're hair looks weird and you're ugly and it's a miracle you did your makeup for once...which actually looks ok."  which meant "I think you look really good".  Ryan H. looked at me for a second and then said "So you went to church today, eh?".  It was oddly gratifying that they both noticed how I looked right off.  And then, once I was on a lane I was standing waiting for a guest and this other guy I work with came by and said "You look very pretty today.  Very pretty." and I was just so pleased.  

I realize that it is entirely hypocritical for women to resent men for responding to looks.  Because the thing is, if we could, we would all look like that.  Honestly, just as much as men like to look at women, women love to be looked at.  What happens is that individual taste, which allows there to be someone for everyone, gets perverted and homogenized by the media so where you had diversity and appreciation for all kinds, now you have one kind that all the hosts of unique women out there must strive after and despair of ever attaining.  Though society is made up of individuals, in this instance I must say that I blame society as a whole.   

Anyway.  The rest of my day has been fairly nondescript.  My visiting teachers and hometeachers came by.  My one hometeacher, Rick, is fascinating to me.  He reminds simultaneously of my uncle Phil and Bret Baxter.  Sometimes when he talks he sounds like my uncle, and particularly his voice tone is like Phil's--a very nice sonorous bass.  But then the way he says his words and the softness with which he speaks is very Bret esque.  As it turns out, I like the mix.  

I think that is enough of an update for now.  I really ought to read my physical science chapter and then go to bed.  I've fallen behind on the homework front and I don't like it.  I need to recommit and get back on the wagon.  I was doing so well at the beginning of the semester, but my spirits have kind of taken a lot of hits as the months have gone on and when that happens the homework is the first thing to go.  I just stop caring.  That is not good.  I need to do well this semester because I really really want to get a second job.  I'm going to apply to become a BYU Writing Fellow.  I'm really excited about it.  I have to get the application in this week actually, so wish me luck with that.  I'll keep you all posted.  

Oct. 20th, 2010

Queen II

...and then I have a test, then a paper, then two presentations, then I die!"

 This has been the crazy week of crazy!  So, Monday I had class, then studying, then run take my Philosophy of Art test (60%) and then run off to work.  Yesterday I went to class, then came home and read two chapters of physical science, plus reviewed my notes of the previous 4 or 5, then class for an hour and a half, then physical science test (87%), then home real quick to change, and back on campus for the Relief Society dinner, then swing kids, then home to start working on my paper.  Today I went to class, then went over to Orchid's to write my paper, and after an hour-ish of wasted time, I finally got down to writing.  I hate when you write a draft, and then you go back a week and a half later and try to finish it.  Your brain has moved on so that it would be easier to just start over, but you can't start over because you have this draft you're supposed to do something with and you don't want to waste all that work.  So it took me a while to get my mind back into the flow of the argument I was making, but once I did I think the paper turned out pretty well.  Not amazing, but decent.  Heh.  When I went to turn it in I handed it to him and apologized for writing five pages rather than four.  He said he didn't think he'd ever said you couldn't write more and I said that I distinctly remembered him saying something about "I don't mind if you go onto the fifth page." but since I'd completely filled the fifth page, I just didn't include a conclusion to put it onto the sixth.  And then I said "Also, I hate conclusions.  They're stupid.  You're just repeating what you've already said."  He gave me this incredulous look like "Are you serious?"  I suppose I didn't need to say that.  But he always interacts with me in such an unsure way that I can't help it.  I just say things I know are going to disconcert him.  It would be ok if he would just stop taking me seriously, but he always thinks my jokes are meant to be serious.  Ah well

Anyway, right now I'm supposed to be preparing a presentation on Carl Jung.  Well, specifically I'm supposed to be reading Carl Jung, and then preparing a presentation on him for tomorrow morning.  Instead I'm writing this.  But I really need to get it done.  So that I can prepare my OTHER presentation on Dean Martin, also for class tomorrow.  And I need to get that one done by 3 at the latest, preferably 2.  My class isn't till four.  But guess what is at 2?  The Fella's "Engineering Innovator Student of the Year Final Judging" competition.  Which he told me to come watch.  Mostly because he was being facetious and not answering me every time I asked him what the other innovations were against which he was competing.  But still, he wants me to come, I'll come.  If I get my homework done.  Which is why I should be reading Jung right now instead of updating this.  But I just felt like it had been a while since I updated here.  And this is how I rebel against the part of me that willingly drops everything at his slightest whim.  Or...something.  

Anyway, I"m off now.  I can dive into Jung.  I've let my brain rest long enough.  Huzzah!

Oct. 15th, 2010


"They're pretty good..."

 Do you want to know what fate is?  Fate is discovering a new band via that less than reliable resource iTunes Genius.  Then, on a whim, though this rarely has turned out well for you in the past, you decide to look up some other stuff by this band.  Initially, for some reason, you aren't very impressed so you just go back to your good song.  But then, you are just so impressed with this song that you have to give them a second try.  You wisely abandon the 30 second ridiculousness of iTunes previews and go right to youtube.  Oh.  As it turns out...your first impression was wrong.  So very wrong.  And now you've fallen in love.  Passionate, giddy, obsessive love.  All you want to do is listen to this new band over and over and over forever.  You throw responsibility to the wind and buy all of their albums.  In your infatuation you again do something you've never really done before.  You get on facebook and "like" the page of your new band...not just like it; you even go so far as to post some enthusiastic message about how much you love them...

This is where fate comes in.  Because what are the chances that the completely random Irish Indie Folk Rock band you've just fallen in love with is ever going to come, not just to America, but to a city near you?  About a million to one.  And yet, what do you discover in your inbox this morning?  A message from a random gentleman you've never heard of, responding to your facebook post, informing you that that very same random Irish Indie Folk Rock band is coming to SALT LAKE CITY...not next May, not in December, but THIS VERY MONTH!! 

That's right children!  I'm going to see Guggenheim Grotto, my newest MOTL, in Salt Lake on the 26th of October...playing with none other than the lovely Ingrid Michaelson!!  And I'm only paying...well, they say $16, but with their ridiculous fees it comes out to more of $24...which is still AMAZING!!!  I'm so freakin excited I can't even say!!  It's gonna be the Tuesday right after I get back from Oregon.  That is going to be a fanfriggintastic week, I can already tell...

Oct. 14th, 2010

lindy couple

She is the embodiment of orang

 Meme time!  exrem gave me a color and now I say my 10 favorite things in that color.  If you want to do it then you comment and I give you a color.  


First, I love this comic:

friggin love plums!

Second...I absolutely love lilacs

Aren't they just so beautiful?!


I love when the mountains get that beautiful purple tinge on them after the sun has set


grapes.  I love plums and I love grapes

Irises.  So...I like flowers and fruit

#6 speaking of irises, I really love Van Gogh's Iris paintings

I guess you could say that those are more blue...so sue me

um, this is hard.  Purple is not exactly my favorite color.  It used to be.  I used to own everything in purple.  Back when I was in third grade.  
I like this book.

#8 would be...um...this dress!

#9 would be Amethyst.  My grandma had a rock just like this

and #10 would definitely be the One eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater

dang...that was hard...

Oct. 10th, 2010

Freddy fist

"well, no one our age likes being alone..."

 First of all, I just want to say that I'm actually not in a bad or depressed mood.  But even so I'm still going to rant a little bit.  That's what this place is for, right?

So, Fella aside, I would just like to point out that guys are annoying.  Namely, none of them ever ask me out on dates.  Ever.  I can name three boys who, according to most rules of behavior and human interaction, should have asked me out, and have not.  I don't understand it.  I don't understand how a guy will flirt with me and talk to me and dance with me and sit with me and tell me all of his life, and then go and fall all over some other girl.  And I don't like it.  I don't like being the girl that every guy says is great and yet no one dates.  What the hell is that anyway?  Lil' Brudder and his old roommate, each telling each other how awesome I am and how the other one should date me.  Lame!  Guys saying how great they think I am, right after they've asked that annoying ditz over there on a date.  I'm a great girl, its true.  But I'm tired of the fact that boys don't seem to care.  Someone recognize my awesome!!!!

Oct. 8th, 2010


"Only with you..."

 So, I might possibly have a dancing crush on 4.0.  Over the last couple of weeks we have had some...oh man...some amazing dances.  The first one was two weeks ago, I think, at the Malt Shoppe.  I was really tired and feeling morose and all I wanted was a strong connection with someone and a chill dance.  What I think I said was "I just want a good micro-blues!" and he just stepped up to me and started dancing.  It was perfect.  Exactly what I wanted, and the best part is that he enjoyed it just as much as me.  See, sometimes I feel like I may have really enjoyed a dance, but the other person was sort of just like "meh".  But not 4.0.  He knew it was awesome.  

Then last week at blues I came and asked him to dance towards the end of the evening.  We started dancing, and after maybe 30 seconds he sighs.  When I ask him what's up he said something like "It's not that I dislike dancing with anyone here.  I love dancing with everyone.  But after I've been dancing with new people for a while it's just...relaxing dancing with you!"  That may be the best dancing compliment I've ever been given.  

And then there was tonight.  We danced my first dance together ("Let's Get It On"...cause it's tradition), which I always sort of hate.  I hate dancing my first couple of dances with people I really like dancing with because I haven't warmed up yet.  So it was fine, not so good not so bad.  Then, after that song he sort of just started popping in and out sporadically and I didn't really see him again for a long time.  I kept thinking he'd left and then he'd pop up again.  Finally, I was getting ready to leave, but I really wanted to dance with him one more time.  I went searching for him and found him outside flirting with the girl I think he fancies.  I drug him back in and we and staked out a corner to dance in.  

Oh my stars...it was as near to a perfect dance as I've ever had.  It was on par with my blues dance with the Fella up in Salt Lake a few weeks back.  It was funny, because we were all goofy as we walked over to our dancing space, but then as soon as we started dancing it was suddenly just...moving together.  There were a few moments where I just knew exactly what he was going to do before he even started leading it.  And there were a couple times when he knew exactly what I was going to do and led exactly the right thing.  Somehow I even ended up doing this amazing bolero thing with my leg at one point.  I've never done anything like that before.  The funny thing is that we messed up a couple of times, but even that was perfect.  After we finished he was like "Oh man.  That was perfect.  I don't really even want to dance again with anyone else."  I felt rather the same way.  

Yeah, suffice it to say, 4.0 and I dance really really well together...

Sep. 28th, 2010


"and I was like 'Um, its her birthday party and she's not here'"

 So, while it is not yet quite over, I feel I should start the process of relating the birthday weekend.  I like having my birthday on a Friday because then its like the whole weekend is mine!  Have I mentioned that I love birthdays?  I really really do.  And this one was great.

So, my birthday weekend really began on Thursday.  As I mentioned, I ran into 4.0 around 11:30 and we went to lunch together (I ran into him right after taking my Intro to Jazz class and getting a 90% without having studied a single bit!).  Anyway, after lunch as we were leaving I told him he had to be at blues that night because it was my birthday tomorrow which was basically the same as it being today, so he had to.  He said my reasoning was a little shady, but he'd sure try.  Then I came home and...did nothing really.  Thus began my homework-free birthday time.  I think I wrestled with iTunes for a while because it hated me and wouldn't let me buy music.  Finally got that resolved.  Bought this song, amongst many others, which I am in love with and have posted everywhere I possibly can.  Then I went to class (really didn't want to, but I did and discovered that there is a jazz concert on Wednesday at 7:30).  After class I came home and continued doing nothing in the form of word search puzzles and sudoku and coloring in my Winnie the Pooh coloring book.  Very good use of my time.  Then off to blues.

Do you realize that my birthday marks my one year anniversary of blues dancing?  My very first dance was one year ago when, after coming to my surprise birthday party, my beloved marianndashwood said to me "Hey, I think you should celebrate your birthday by coming blues dancing!" and I did!  And ol' Mad Dog didn't scare me away.  I kept going for a whole year so that Thursday night I could be surrounded by friends in my very first birthday jam circle.  After I discovered what a birthday jam is I felt so sad that I'd not gotten one and I've been waiting anxiously ever since.  And it was great.  I started out with Sancho and then danced with all of my favorite people, some of them twice, and was just so happy!  This weekend has been a great one to reflect on how many fantastic people there are in my life now.  And how well I fit with them.  I can't tell you how many times over the last month or so I've had this one conversation with different people, about how they all expect me to know all of these people and all of this stuff because it feels like I've been around so much longer than I have.  Anyway, aside from my jam circle I had some really good dances with Lil' Brudder, 4.0, and Dmitri.  And while I wouldn't call it a "good" dance, I did dance with Bear a couple of times and it was fun.  The boy just doesn't get the idea of blues, bless him.  So we just make stuff up that is very Lindy-esque.  Ah well, he always dips me in the most epic manner at the end and that is fun...even when we end up on the floor.  But oh!  The very best dance of the night was most definitely with The Professional.  I danced with him once before, waaaaay back when we still danced at Sancho's house, and he was magnificent because he actually knew what he was doing instead of just making things up like we all do.  But I am 98% certain we've not danced since then (though he claims we have).  But he comes now and then and he's good friends with Orchid so he's often around.  He's moving to Colorado soon, so I've been telling him that we need to dance again before he goes, so Thursday we did.  And it was lovely!  He's the first person to give me a little bit of a head lead that I didn't either feel ridiculous or...slightly uncomfortable.  It was a very micro-bluesy dance, which I'm discovering may be my favorite thing of life.  Anyway, he took the prize for very best dance of the night.  Which was then followed by a ridiculous dance with Lil' Brudder.  Oh Lil' Brudder...I've sort of rediscovered my joy in dancing with him.  We have had some fantastically awesome and bizarre dances recently.  He's just so fun and he never minds when I back lead and do my own thing.  We were dancing like crazy people and at the same time discussing something (Denim's new boyfriend I think) and Bear was sitting right behind us laughing his head off.  At one point he was like "This is amazing!  Not only is it great dancing, but great conversation too!  You guys are awesome!"  It made me laugh.

After blues we all went to Denny's (even including Robert Sean Leonard, who never comes!) and it was a big loud fun group.  Senior West Coast was there as well, and he always gets so odd at Denny's.  But I love him.  He started singing to me at one point...I can't remember the song :-/.  But it was super funny.  And then halfway through I look over and there is Sancho, way off in the corner looking at me morosely and then he reaches out his hand and he's like "You're so far awaaaaaaay" and then we both cracked up.  Then, when I got up to leave Orchid made me stop so that they could all sing "Happy Birthday" to me.  It was seriously off key and impressively loud, but it made me superlatively happy.  

Friday was my actual birthday.  Lil' Brudder had been dropping hints all over the place about something that was going on, so I was slightly prepared when I woke up at 8:15 to find him in my apartment cooking me breakfast. That boy...he's such a sweetheart!  So, after I got out of the shower and got dressed I came out and ate breakfast with him and Kandy.  I also discovered a plethora of signs made by my awesome new roommates explaining all the reasons they love me.  They were pretty funny.  Breakfast made me about 15 minutes late for my first class, but as I already mentioned, I was barely caring about class at all at that point.  So I went to my two classes of the day, and then for the first time this semester, I hit up the Swing Kids booth, where my birthday twin, Sven, danced with me once before disappearing.  I ended up dancing with Captain Intense a couple of times and hanging out with Denim, which I haven't done in a long time.  Sometime in this span of time I got a call from my best friend from back home wishing me a happy birthday.  After about an hour and a half at booth Bunny, who was back in town for the weekend, came and picked me up and we went to the mall so that she could buy me obscene amounts of chocolate.  It was nice seeing her, since she's been gone for a few weeks back home in Colorado.  She's preparing for a mission and all.  

So, my parents just finished with their mission and it ended up working out so that they were going to be coming in to Provo on Friday.  Nice!  I haven't seen my parents on my birthday in years.  But, unfortunately, they didn't take of when they were planning to, so they were much later getting in than they thought they'd be.  See, aside from the jazz concert on Wednesday, my professor also told us that we should go and sit in on this master class they have most Fridays for all the people in jazz ensembles on campus.  I was later talking to the Fella and discovered that not only was he a member of said master class, but that his ensemble, with two others, was actually going to be performing on Friday and I should come.  So the goal was finally to get the parents to Provo in time to come hear him play (needless to say, at this point my mother is deeply interested in meeting the Fella).  However, they didn't quite make it in time for that.  So it ended up just being Orchid and I (I told her about it, and that my parents were supposed to be there too and she was like "Sure I'll come!") and I was actually kind of glad that the parentals didn't make it.  It was much more "class" than "performance" and when we first came in it was horribly uncomfortable.  For a couple of reasons actually.  Not the least of which being that after the Fella performed with his group the professor got up and basically laid into them all, including the Fella, and told them that they were awful.  I've never met such a harsh and tactless professor (my two favorite quotes, actually directed at different ensembles, were "So, I've heard you play well before.  What happened?" and "You ended on the root.  The dumbest thing you can do is end on the root").  But what I've recently realized about the Fella is that he sort of suffers from performance anxiety (something I never would have suspected) and that it was quite embarrassing to him to have people there who he had invited and then they hear him get roundly chastised.  Yes, I think he was mightily embarrassed.  Poor guy.  Then, after the class I drug him along with Orchid and I back to meet my parents, who were finally arrived.  I think he was still embarrassed, as well as feeling awkward about meeting my family (I can totally understand this...but at least Orchid was there meeting them as well) but he came along anyway.  I handled things in a beautifully awkward manner, but in the end it wasn't too bad.  Of course, my mom--always there to make things more uncomfortable--asked him to play the piano for them.  She didn't know that he'd just been shot down not 30 minutes before, but it was just the most perfect thing she could have asked.  As I said, he was a sweetheart and said yes and we found a room with a piano and he played a couple of songs for us.  My mom also eased things along by saying several times (just to make sure he heard her and knew she really meant it) "I'm so glad to meet you.  I've sure heard a lot about you!"  Oh thanks mom.  Way to make this more ridiculous than it already is.  Finally, after the fourth repetition he said "Um, I hope that's a good thing....." and I jumped in and said something about how it was all abuse and then finally she let that little thought go.  Oh mother...

Anyway, the Fella left us at that point, and me, the parentals, brother, and Orchid all went out to dinner.  Not that I didn't invite the Fella.  Well, that was a fun moment actually.  Right after I introduced everyone I didn't want The Fella to feel like he had to linger when I knew he probably really didn't want to so I was trying to help him and I ended up saying something really awkward like "Well, Fella, you can leave now...uh...not that you have to.  I'd love you to...er....I just know you probably have stuff to do so....uh..........."  It was beautiful.  His expression was classic.  So after he played for us I tried to regain some face by saying something super suave like "Well, you are welcome to come with us to dinner if you want, but don't feel like you have to..."  There's just no slick way to get that point across.  Anyway, the point is that he chose not.  So it was just the family and Orchid.  Orchid was super cool.  Especially when my parents and brother started discussing how my uncle is bound for apostasy.  That was an uncomfortable moment.  I don't usually think about how very judgmental my family can be until I'm listening to them from an outside perspective.  Like when we're discussing the Fella playing for us and my brother says "Yeah, we can go down to the terrace and you can be That Guy...you know....That Guy who plays the piano on the terrace."  and laughed...and then the Fella was like "um...I've been that guy quite a few times" because he often practices on the terrace.  Its not even just may parents, either.  It is my brother too.  Oh well, like I said, Orchid was super cool about it and just let it go.

In the interest of readability, and so that I can just get it out, I'm going to stop waiting to publish this till its done and just get this part out now.  I'll finish later...I promise

Sep. 23rd, 2010


Well this should be quick...

 Meme #4: What you ate today in great detail




I think I ate 6 twizzlers...

oh wait!  I totally went to Taco Bell today!  Yes!  I went to Taco Bell and got two gorditas.  They were mildly disgusting.  I remembered why I never eat at Taco Bell.  And I drank about 3/4 of a ridiculously large soda.  Why did they give me such a large soda?  I certainly didn't need nor ask for it.  I briefly considered getting a mint brownie from Sugar and Spice, but 4.0, who ate lunch with me, advised me that I didn't really want it.  And he was quite right.  If only I'd had him around yesterday when I ate waaaaaay too much junk food as I studied.  I felt disgusting by the end of the day.  I think I'm going to make my way to the Sunflower Market and buy a bunch of tomatoes and just revel in them.  I've been really craving fresh tomatoes recently.  Oh man...that sounds so good!

I think I've digressed from the meme at this point....

Sep. 20th, 2010

hugh laurie

"Well, yours is bull****"

 So....last night.  That was interesting.  Last week Orchid and I decided that we were going to watch the movie Equilibrium, and that the best place to do it was at the Fella's (his roommates have a HUGE tv and epic speakers).  So we asked him about it and he said that sounded like fun.  Orchid and I have been looking forward to it all week.  

Then, on Thursday Orchid tells me that she's going to be bringing along this guy that she's been very interested in.  Roy.  Ok, that should be fine.  Oh friends, it was not fine.  Poor Roy.  In Orchid's words "I felt like there was a constant inside joke between the three of us, and he was missing it."  The long and short of it is that last night would have been awesome, except Roy was there constantly making things really really awkward.

So, details!  We all met up at CP at about 6 o'clock, Orchid and Roy, and The Fella as soon as he got off campus.  Then, because apparently Orchid's car was a mess (and at the time, I think she wanted to be alone with Roy...yeah...this didn't last) they went in her car and The Fella and I went in mine, and we met up at Red Robin.  We ended up sitting outside, which was nice.  But dinner was where the problems began.  Admittedly, they seemed small at first.  He just wouldn't quite catch the flow of the conversation, or he would ask odd, slightly incongruous questions.  But he seemed nice, so I was willing to let that go.  What I had a much more difficult time letting go was my awareness that, not only was this a person who was likely to really not impress the Fella, but he seemed to be showing all the sings that he was getting really annoyed.  At this point I discovered yet another point in which Orchid and I are immensely similar, which is that we both can sense when there is a person in the group who is upset or alienated or annoyed, and we both zero in on that person.  For the first half of dinner we were both super focused on the Fella.  It was actually kind of interesting, watching her react to him, because it was sort of like an opportunity to watch myself.  I've never realized what it looks like when I do that, but now I can see.  It is not a subtle thing.  But after a while the Fella pulled himself out of it and started exerting himself to be pleasant.  Interestingly, there were a couple times when I actually noticed him getting embarrassed about something he had said.  I've never seen him do that before.  It was very odd.

By the end of dinner, as we were walking out of the mall he was positively jolly (well, you know...as jolly as he gets).  He was joking around and acting silly.  He gave Orchid directions to get back to his house, and then we split up again.  And almost instantly he was back to being odd and broody.  I don't know what was going on with him, but he was bouncing all over the place.  But the thing is, his moodiness was only bothering me insofar as it related to the others.  When we were just in the car, just us, I was completely content to let him talk or not talk--I didn't feel the need to babble on and fill the silence.  Anyway, we got to his house and his roommate Xander was there.  On the way I asked him about Xander (The Muppet moved out this fall, so this is the first time he's had to live with someone not Ducky and not his brother in quite a while) and his comment was "He's a really really nice guy.  He drives me crazy."  And when I asked him to elaborate on this he said "He doesn't seem particularly intelligent, and I value that highly.  And for some reason he feels like he needs to be really nice to me which really pisses me off."  So when we walked in and Xander was sitting on the couch there was a sort of instant tension between them.  But it wasn't too bad.  And he was very nice about us taking over the living room and watching a movie.  Not that that happened right away.  I really wanted the Muppet to come and join us, but he said he couldn't be there for about 20 minutes.  So we decided to wait. 

That waiting period was one of the most awkward half hours of my life.  Oh.  My.  Gosh.  This is where Roy really started to shine as the complete antithesis of this group of people.  I asked the Fella to play the piano for me as I'd been dying to hear a particular song for about two weeks.  Then, since we had to wait for the Muppet, Orchid and I asked him to keep playing.  I always try to get him to sing along whenever he plays for me, and if it is just me, he almost always will.  However, the more people there are that he doesn't know, the less likely he is.  So with Roy there, I really didn't think that he would sing at all.  But we kept asking him to on every song.  Finally, when he showed me a song he'd referred to during dinner  I told him I really really needed him to sing it...and he did!  And 15 seconds into the song, after hearing Orchid and I ask him to sing repeatedly, Roy starts talking.  We both just wanted to punch him in the face.  I settled on ignoring him completely and just focusing on The Fella.  I love when he sings.  Of course I do.  He played for most of the waiting time, but I could tell he felt very awkward.  The one time when he wasn't playing was the apex of awkward, which was prompted by a comment, seemingly out of nowhere, from Roy.  I have no idea what they were talking about since I was just listening to the Fella play.  But all of a sudden I hear Roy say something along the lines of "Yeah, Chinese people are mean.  Like...all of them.  They're just so mean."  Wait...what?  I can't just let that go, not when he said it so seriously...no hint of irony or joke.  Orchid and I both start pressing him on this, mostly just trying to offer him a graceful way out, or even an awkward way out.  Just trying to get him to take that statement back.  But he's not taking it back, no matter what we say.  He firmly believes that ALL Chinese people are mean.  Now, if he had tried to come up with the most alienating and offensive sort of thing he could have said in the Fella's presence, he couldn't have done better than a blanket bigoted statement like that.  And I could see The Fella's hackles rising as he sat at the piano.  He ignored it for a while, but as Roy persevered with Orchid and I he couldn't take it any more.  He wades in to the conversation and he is annoyed.  Roy has no idea what he's gotten into and just keep digging the hole deeper.  The great crashing crescendo of awkward for Orchid and I is when the Fella, in response to Roy trying to claim that its a matter of perspectives (and his is obviously the more well-rounded) comes back with "yeah it is...and yours is bullshit."  We all sort of sat there in silence.  Orchid couldn't handle it and went into the kitchen to cut the brownies.  Finally, Roy just moved on and started asking me where I was from.  The Fella went back to playing the piano and calming himself down.  Oh man...so so so awkward.

At last the Muppet showed up and we could start the movie.  Heh...Orchid and I had discussed how we wanted the seating arrangements to work, but alas Xander mucked them all up.  I staked my spot out on the loveseat, but then he asked me to switch with him, so that he could sit there and I would sit on the couch.  Which left the only possible place for Orchid and Roy on the couch with me, and the Fella started out laying on the floor, and then when Xander left (staying just long enough to make everything annoying) he moved over to the loveseat.  Orchid and I joked after "could he have BEEN farther away?"  But at one point I happened to glance over at him and he looked at me and we both smiled at each other.  That was a nice moment.  

That time before the movie was definitely the most awkward point of the whole night.  After that The Fella put a lot of effort into putting up with Roy and being amiable, though there seemed to be a lingering antagonism between them for quite a while.  And we all sort of just adopted a philosophy of ignoring him (I feel a little bad about that...but not very...it was the only thing that made the evening bearable).  This was difficult sometimes as he continually would interject in the conversation in completely derailing ways.  Yeah, so we watched Equilibrium, and afterwards we were discussing it.  I am fascinated with that movie purely based on the concept of it.  What I realized last night is that the execution is lacking.  The movie is made poorly, but the concepts come through and save it for me.  The Fella was trying to point this out, explaining that, while he also thought the ideas are interesting, there was something about the fundamental making of the movie that disconnected him from it.  Roy, on the other hand, kept arguing that, because the movie is set in a feelingless, dystopian future, of course there wasn't going to be a lot of empathic connection in it.  No matter what we said, we couldn't get him to understand that we understood that idea, we just thought that the creators of the movie failed in the execution.  I was getting soooo annoyed with Roy because I was very interested in what The fella was saying, but every time he would start to explain something new Roy would jump in and contradict him and he would get all derailed trying to explain himself--explain things that Orchid and I implicitly understood, but Roy simply didn't grasp.  Luckly, Roy shut up a few times so that I was able to get the gist of The Fella's thoughts.  Anyway, we stayed after the movie for a couple of hours, till midnight.  I kept feeling we'd overstayed our welcome, but every time I tried to get going The Fella would start talking about something else, till finally, after my fifth attempt he said "I'm sorry, you keep trying to go.  I hope I'm not distracting you too much."  Oh, if only he knew...if I felt he desired me there the least bit I would stay forever.  

Anyway, There are many more details, but I need to read a bit more Gogol before bed.  So I'll throw this up.  

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alexis bledel

January 2011




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